Intimacy is like cooking. How men and women see it.

I recently heard a great analogy for intimacy.
Intimacy, meaning sex, is for some men and women a bit like cooking. Getting the ingredients is like getting ready, preparing the meal is like foreplay, eating the meal is like having intercourse, and dessert is like orgasm.
Let's start with the women's perspective. If you are confused about something or have questions, write a comment below or send me an email.


A woman needs to gather the necessary ingredients to cook a great meal . A lot of preparation is needed. She researches for the appropriate recipe and makes sure that she is capable to prepare that meal. She goes shopping for the ingredients. She prepares her kitchen utensils and all the instructions to time her cooking.

She prepares a really fancy meal and serves it in decorative plates. She eats the meal, not necessarily because she is hungry but because she is in the mood of fine, home-made dinning. She takes as long as she needs to enjoy her meal and then comes dessert. She can have more than one serving of dessert if she feels like it. And finally, she'll want help cleaning up.

A woman does not have to eat this fancy every night. In fact, some women can go a couple of weeks without eating or just having a quick one, like mac and cheese, sometimes with no dessert. For a woman, the preparation of a meal is as important as eating it. If she wants to feel confident that the meal will turn out perfect, she'll need every single one of the ingredients.



A man gathers ingredients to make a meal. Some men can eat a fancy meal every night. And in their eyes, the meal does not have to necessarily be that fancy as long as there is dessert. When a man cooks the meal, he sometimes brings all of the ingredients, however his partner might not be hungry that day. Some men are shocked at how their partner does not want to eat after he gathered all the ingredients, what's wrong with her? Some men forget some of the ingredients and can't understand why the meal is not appetizing to his partner; and some men can't comprehend when his partner doesn't want dessert. Some men feel inadequate when they can't make their partner eat dessert. For a man, it is not so much preparing the meal what's important, it's the satisfaction of eating it and ending with dessert. In fact, if the meal could be placed in the microwave and ready to eat in 5 minutes, without the need for preparation, then, that would be the preferred choice of cooking.



The problem comes when women fake eating dessert, they go on hunger strikes to punish the partner or they stop eating all together. Men don't get this. They would never go on a hunger strike because eating does not relate to anything but just eating. However, women don't understand this concept because their brain is wired to interconnect every issue, therefore eating relates to everything. Some men get frustrated and decide they want to eat dessert somewhere else with someone who would appreciate their cooking. What they don't understand is that all this can be resolved with a nice recipe.

The main ingredient in this recipe is communication. The more partners talk with each other, the better each will understand their differences. Every single human being thinks in different ways. Each brain is a world of its own. A person might enjoy a cloudy sky while another one might feel blue. Since every single mind is different, being partners means trying to understand each other the best way possible. These are some of the ingredients for this to work:

Empathic listening
Compassion
Not taking it personal
Being responsible for your own feelings
Wanting to understand
Wanting to work on yourself
No co-dependence

Mix those real well, add love, tenderness, hope, loyalty and education and you'll have the best recipe for happiness.

I'll explain in future blogs what each of these ingredients mean and how to get them.
In the mean time, be aware of your feelings and thoughts as well as what you might be projecting.
This makes you responsible for your reactions and puts you in charge of your own feelings.

Many blessings in this amazing journey

Nancy